I expect to pass through this life but once. If there is any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do to any fellow human being, let me do it now, and not defer or neglect it, as I shall not pass this way again. 

-William Penn

           As I try to remember the faces of the children and the adults that came to seek medical treatment in Cuyali, the only words I remember are Dr. Camaranta’s.  Dr. Camaranta is a neurologist and the father of another brigader that volunteered to come with us. Dr. Camaranta had an aura around him and it radiated the feeling of being safe. At least in my own opinion I felt safe and cared for, sort of like a father figure even though he was a total stranger. Even though I only spoke to him a couple of times I will always remember what he said.

          On the final night of our brigade we set aside time to reflect on our trip and share some experiences, the doctor as well as others shared some personal stories of what touched them the most. From the stories that were shared, most, if not all of us, had changed. We were not necessarily broken but we were thrown into the experience head first and didn’t know how to feel. Our medical leads and our translator told us what was going to happen or what to expect but even with that, I was not fully prepared for what I saw. As we shared our stories, Dr. Camaranta kept nodding his head, in some sort of agreement of how we were feeling. As if it was okay to feel confused, sad or angry. He spoke last, but as he spoke, his voice started to shake. This man was happy that we were developing such different emotions and different views on life that he could not help but feel emotional. “Print out a picture of one of the experiences you felt so strongly about on this trip and place it somewhere where you can see it every day. Time will pass and you will start to forget what you did, what you saw or maybe even how you felt, but if you look at that picture every day you will remember the faces of those you helped and the kindness in their eyes”. This kindness that Dr. Camaranta speaks of, is what I remember when I picture the faces of the villagers in Cuyali.

            When I think of service, I think of kindness. Kindness in itself is a service; it might not sound like much but depending on what you say or do can change someone’s life. My mother always believed that by being kind and compassionate you could help someone tremendously even if you did not volunteer at soup kitchens or shelters.” There are many different ways of serving others and if one does so willingly with humility, then that is noble”- she would always say. Perhaps this is just how I was raised but I do believe that before you could ever try to help someone, there must be kindness and compassion. Yes mom you have to be compassionate, yes mom you have to be nice, yeah, yeah its common sense… is what I thought every time she would try to lecture me. I did listen and I thought I understood what she told me time after time, but I did not fully understand what she meant until I had experienced this first hand.

           My first whole day consisted of talking to the patients before they saw the doctor. Taking their blood pressure, their weight and understanding their symptoms. All of this was to be done in Spanish, which should not have been such a big deal because I speak it fluently, however, I could not help but feel a knot in my stomach, anxiety and somehow incompetent all at the same time. I was so nervous that I would not be able to understand them and help find the origin of their pain. It was so bad that I kept tripping on my words and it would come out all jumbled. I felt mortified because if I could not understand them then the doctors would not be able to understand either since I was translating. I would be responsible for them not getting better because of my stupid anxiety and feelings of incompetence. The more I thought about it I started to realize that yes, if I do not get over my selfish emotions then yes, I will not be able to serve them in the best way that I  can because I am so nervous and can’t understand. Shifting the responsibility on me helped me get it together and get over my negative emotions. After that it was smooth sailing for the most part… until I shadowed a doctor.

            I felt the most useful or helpful when I was shadowing and translating for a doctor. He was not Dr. Camaranta, but another doctor from Canada. I did not agree with his manner of addressing his patients; he had a sort of arrogance in his voice which I felt the patients themselves could understand even though they could not comprehend what he was saying. He would tell me to translate in a snappy way and all I remember thinking was how disappointed I was in him for demeaning them. The doctor was doing a great thing volunteering, but as Davis explains in the reading, the service he provided was good because of the patients getting medicine and hopefully becoming more healthy (the positive consequences of the act) but the superiority he showed only made them feel inadequate. At first I dismissed it, but it became more and more obvious that he was looking down on them. They needed the service we provided them, but they did not need to feel belittled.

           The lack of education was an issue in the community, most of the villagers did not know how to brush their teeth or own a toothbrush. When it came to cleanliness they did the best they could with what they had. Some of the villagers tried to dress up in their nice clothes just to see us; some did not even look at us in the eye because they felt so inadequate. It was not right and I never meant for them to feel this way. I feel uncomfortable talking about it because to talk about how we could try to help them would also bring up the topic on how educated they are or if they would be able to understand us. Inadequacy can quickly change into inequality in front of others who have been fortunate to receive an education and healthcare, even though we do not want to talk about it, sometimes we do think it. Because we have been fortunate enough to have a higher education we know more than others. This is what makes people feel inferior. Without even saying anything and just by how we look and speak to them does enough damage.

           Kindness is an essential part of serving others. I want to say that I tried serving the community by bridging the language barrier and translating to the best of my abilities. However, I want to believe that as I was translating what the doctor was saying to the patients, I did so in a kind manner, a way that did not belittle them or make them feel inferior. The way they would look at me when I would reassure them that they could get better is something I will never forget. Their eyes would light up as if I had said something so life changing but in reality it was just something positive. “Que Dios te bendiga y te cuida como tu me has cuidado a mi” they would tell me which translates to – “May God bless you and take care of you as you have taken care of me”. I did not think I did much, but it was enough just to listen and share some kindness. The kindness and compassion that you show is enough, and I believe this is what my mother was talking about.