"Tolle Lege: Pick It Up and Read"

 What’s in the image?

This window shows St. Augustine’s conversion in the garden. Augustine lived his early life in sin, and this window depicts the moment he turned to God. The setting of a garden evokes the Garden of Eden. A demonic figure turns away from Augustine, while an angelic one approaches him. These figures represent Augustine’s internal struggle, which he describes, saying, “So too when the joys of eternity call us from above, and pleasure in temporal prosperity holds us fast below, our one soul is in no state to embrace either with its entire will” (Conf. 8.1.24). The words “Tolle Lege” are inscribed in the image, which translate “Pick it up and read.” This phrase, which Augustine heard in the garden, inspires him to pick up the Bible, turn to Romans 13, and read, “Let us then throw off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light; let us conduct ourselves properly as in the day, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in promiscuity and licentiousness, not in rivalry and jealousy. But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the desires of the flesh” (New American Bible, Rom. 13.12-13). After a lifetime of agony, Augustine is instantly converted and decides to devote his life to God. The passage describing this moment appears on the rock in a small grotto outside the St. Augustine center.

What’s in Confessions?

The conversion in the garden is the instantaneous turning point for Augustine after a difficult internal battle. Throughout his life, Augustine, bound by his sinful habits, cannot turn to God. He engages in corrupt practices during his childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood. As a child he battles jealousy and the desire to cheat, as a teenager he selects similarly depraved companions and steals pears for no purpose, and as a young adult allows his sexual desires to govern him. Eventually, Augustine reads “Hortensius,” a “book that changed my way of feeling and the character of my prayers to you, O Lord,” but he still cannot desert his behaviors (3.4.7). After years of consternation, Augustine realizes that he must find a way to give his life to God; however, he still does not want to relinquish his life of sex, money, and status. The breakthrough comes in the in the garden when he reads the passage from Romans 13. He finally releases his earthly desires and receives God’s grace, which allows him to convert.

 What’s in it for us?

 Augustine’s conversion moment can be interpreted as a message to college students to not delay pursuing higher things. Augustine’s problem of wanting both long term fulfillment and immediate fun is one that still resonates today. College students desire spiritual enlightenment but also treasure a carefree, fun life. Similarly, Augustine wished to convert “later” because he thought it would limit him. Yet, once he converts, he enjoys a much more fulfilling and complete life. Augustine’s experience demonstrates that the higher path is what will ultimately bring happiness. College students may not want restrictions on their lives, but Augustine’s conversion shows that short term pleasure is not lasting or real. Indeed, life becomes brighter after one dedicates himself to a higher purpose rather than meaningless activities. College students can see this as inspiration to start being their best possible selves today and not put off seeking spiritual fulfillment.